He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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