She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
