i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
