Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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