After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
