wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
