So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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