you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
