So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize