I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
