And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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