I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize