Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
