I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
