I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm bleeding and have questions
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
