Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
