did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
