I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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