I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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