i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
