Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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