What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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