I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize