I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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