Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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