Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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