How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
