My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
