u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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