I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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