I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
