I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
