Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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