You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
