Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
