Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
