from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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