apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
