i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize