i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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