I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
