those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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