the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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