Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
