all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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