She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
