First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
