I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
