to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize