Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
