so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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