You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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