He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
