The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Randomize
