I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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