quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
