as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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