Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
