is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I want a musical about memes.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
