Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
