Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
