Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
