just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
