I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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