he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
