This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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