Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
