I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
